You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
