do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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