I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
