We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
