420 ftw
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do vagina's smell?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
