Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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