if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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