I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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