Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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