dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize