It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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