So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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