Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
