in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sober January is a disaster.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
