Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
