I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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