The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
