I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
