What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
