I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
