But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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