I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I supernannyed him into submission
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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