dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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