Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
