I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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