Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You can't motorboat a personality
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
