I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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