im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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