a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
