Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
