Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
