I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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