so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
