cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
what day is it and did you see me today?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
