I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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