My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
