I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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