I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
