but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
