I CAN MOONWALK!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
