Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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