Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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