Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize