he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
