Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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