whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
