my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
