made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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