were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
