K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
