thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
