Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
