Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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