If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Couch. On fire.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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