i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
