So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
