but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
