So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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