I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
