the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
