Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
