I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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