I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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