Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
