now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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