I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
