Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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