i don't like sucking hair
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
