he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
