just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
