I wannas sexs uuuuu
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
